8 small stones balanced on top of each other. in the background a calm sea & a blue sky with no clouds

How do we stop worrying about what people think of us & stop taking things personally?

How do we take more control of our emotions & reduce anxiety in our lives?

These questions are commonplace within our every day life but how do we become conscious of our own behaviours & make changes to allow us to live in a more calm, peaceful & happy environment?

My latest newsletter addressed these areas & has been well received so I thought I would share my thought on my blog. Hope you enjoy! Please share & comment.

Gary Zukav talks in his book “The seat of the Soul” that if we reflect on our choices & intentions of our decisions we can take responsibility & shape the consequences & in turn the outcome of our own life.

He describes, “a responsible choice is a choice that takes into account the consequences of each of your choices.  In order to make a responsible choice you must ask yourself, for each choice that you are considering, what will this produce? Do I really want to create that?  Am I ready to accept all of the consequences of this choice?”

So how do we know & identify what the intention is behind our choice?

If we reflect on situations that have caused pain or are creating unhappiness we can ask ourselves what is the intention behind my behaviour? Am I acting out of love or fear? For example


Every action has a consequence
Does this choice of action come from a
decision based on love or fear?

LOVE                                                  FEAR

(of ourselves & others)                             Guilt
Understanding                                            Shame
Non Judgmental                                        Greed
Empathy                                                      Self Pity
Tolerance                                                     Arrogance
Modesty                                                       Anger
Kindness                                                     Hate/ Jealous

Every decision we make will feed the emotions of love or fear, examples of which are listed above. An example of this may be when we choose to apply for a new job.  Our decision may be based around arrogance “we deserve that job title” or inferiority that the job title will make us feel more important or valuable, when in fact when we look at the day to day duties of that job role it wouldn’t fit our skill set or more importantly we wouldn’t enjoy it.

Another example is perhaps when we experience divorce & our emotions are running high.  It is so easy to react from a place of fear defending & protecting what we perceive to be important “who is right & who is wrong” when in effect judgments, hate, shame and guilt will only eat away & infect our lives in a negative way

Marianne Williamson author of “Return to love” quotes Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.

So Fear is contraction — a defence mechanism, a pulling away, closing off and continuous comparison. Fear cannot exist without comparison.
Love, is expansive, an opening up, creating endless possibilities without the interference of external circumstances. It is vulnerability, living all aspects of life, & experiencing all emotions without control.

So how do we allow new learning, which creates new endings & new experiences breaking the cycle of your behaviour.

Ask yourself  – What am I fearful of?

Question your reactions – If I react from fear what will the outcome be?

Challenge your behaviours – What other options have I got?

Create your new consequence  – Through reflection choose love rather than fear & change the outcome of your life

The journey to wholeness requires that you look honestly, openly and with courage into yourself, into the dynamics that live behind what you feel, what you perceive, what you value and how you act. It is a journey through your defences and beyond so that you can experience consciously the nature of your personality, face what it has produced in life and choose to change it – Gary Zukav

So if you feel you would like to find out more or want help dealing with emotions why not get in touch and let go of the things that are holding you back

To find out more about life Coaching or book your FREE 30 minutes phone consultation either email or phone